By Martin Kantor
For a few homosexual males being gay is frequently whatever yet "gay." What are usually assumed to be "gay attributes" are usually no longer features of being homosexual yet indicators of universal emotional issues in homosexual men.In this insightful booklet, longtime psychiatrist Martin Kantor—who is himself a homosexual guy and has been in a dedicated dating for 27 years—documents the problems linked to popping out and the demanding situations of homosexual relationships, together with friendship, marriage, "getting dumped," and sexuality, with unflinching and sincere candor. He additionally addresses the emotional difficulties and pervasive feel of loneliness that regularly hang-out homosexual males whereas studying subcultural concerns which exist in the homosexual neighborhood, together with ageism. different themes comprise constructing a homosexual way of life (being homosexual in a undeniable way), parental relationships, problems with midlife and getting older, and treatment and self-help concepts for homosexual males who consider they wish it.
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Extra info for Now That You're Out: The Challenges and Joys of Living as a Gay Man
Example text
Right. The City, the Ghetto, or the Suburbs With people today much more accepting of gays and gay life than they used to be, gays are no longer marginalized into the ghettos they once fled to, there to exchange the discomforts of mainstream living for the comforts of being with their own kind. There are still towns, such as a few I’ve lived in, where homophobia reigns, making for unpleasant or dangerous conditions. But with most straight castle walls coming down, today you can become anyone’s neighbor and friend.
He was extremely polite, for example, to waitresses; always very solicitous about our health; and constantly worried whether after a visit we got home safely. A friend of ours and theirs noted that even at the end when Ron was on his deathbed, he continued to phone her every single Sunday to inquire about her well-being. But John was brusque and demanding—a type A personality. I will always remember being in John’s salon in the city some years ago. It was busy, with a number of people (including me) getting their hair done.
Do you imagine yourself as always being miserable; constantly alone because you have been unable to find true, lasting love; and forever condemned to live in some underground place soaked with drugs and alcohol, wandering the drafty cruising spots in the middle of the night, regularly getting dumped by those you would love, winding up divorced from those you marry, either having a nonexistent sex life or indulging in one that is a study in excess—your personal world in a shambles because you are devoted less to fulfilling yourself than to making an impression on others and your professional life going nowhere if, which you believe to be unlikely, you are employed at anything meaningful or at all?